A Guest Post by Mary's Husband, Phillip
For the past few days my children and I have borne witness to a disturbing phenomenon:
What happens to a knitter when she doesn't have the yarn she requires.
Some specific symptoms materialize.
The realization that her hands aren't being used causes (in this order):
Stage 1: Flailing. First, an inability to sit still while watching television or having 'polite' conversations. This quickly manifests itself as
Stage 2: Manic Project Identification and Completion (a.k.a. "Search and Destroy"). The rest of the family stands by in a relatively idle state as the flailing moves from the hands into the entire body. The yarn-deprived subject becomes a whirling dervish, attempting to accomplish everything she has ever thought needs doing around the house. It seems to be some attempt to fill the string void.
This phase is accompanied by unfortunate side effects, as the afflicted cannot understand why the rest of the family is neither
- A. Panicking (this is truly a nightmare)
- B. Assisting in the tasks with appropriate speed, determination, and angst
Stage 3: Resignation
The energy is spent, and there is still no yarn to knit with. The patient unhappily succumbs to this fact. The family can help by removing the subject from the house in attempts to "Take Her Mind Off The Problem" or "Have Fun". This does provide brief relief (our subject seemed to sincerely enjoy Guardians of the Galaxy), but in the end it's a temporary victory. We can't stay away from the house forever, and when we return, There. Is. Still. No. Yarn.
The knitter finds some solace in yarn books and catalogs. The internet helps, unless something reminds her about the dearth of string. Every once in a while, a wistful sigh escapes from the subject. We helpless bystanders realize that the only thing any of us can do is wait.
Wish us Luck.