Degrees of Force Required

Thank you so much, Gentle Readers, for supplying the words I needed but could not find.  Thanks to your efforts, I mentally reenacted my encounter with Coach Dumbass in my mind about fifty times, slaying him with a different zinger each time.  And I did it all while retaining the high ground.  Your pithy comebacks were all I needed to feel vindicated, without actually poking this poor ignorant guy with my rapier-like wit.  Or my knitting needles.  You have saved Lindsay from being known to him as "The Kid with the Horrible Knitting Mother". 

At least for now.